What I have noticed in myself is the unwillingness to be troubled, disturbed or lose any sleep over the unfortunate election of Trump. Certainly I was very disappointed and initially troubled by the election results but there was a part of me that did not want to allow this to get to me in a split off and angry way as I had been so many times during the campaign. This meant that I instinctively had to think about his presidency differently. I asked myself if there was any possibility he could be an effective president. I doubt he can be an effective leader but I had to open my mind to the possibility he could accomplish some good changes. Perhaps this is my way of defending against the profound disappointment or repressing it, but there was a refusal to let it penetrate me and affect my immediate enjoyment. I was then forced to think differently about it; to entertain the notion of something constructive, and dare I say creative, coming from this dreaded outcome. I felt I had to preserve a good enough state of mind. Maybe I was afraid that if I let myself be upset and troubled by this terrible outcome, I wouldn’t recover and I would have to go through at least a day of being deeply troubled, fearful, and angry. I wasn’t willing to do this.
Trump is a man, who for me, triggers my narcissistic hatred very easily. During the campaign there were many times I judged him harshly. He is an other who is very easy to hate and I got caught in that many times. He is a person I used countless times to make myself feel better about me by thinking in very derogatory ways about him. So I was doing what I hate him for doing. When he got elected I realized I didn’t want to do this any more. Either I try to end this now or I get stuck in doing it for four very long years.